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Today's featured article – Rastadon
The Rastadon (Mamut rastadonis) is a mammalian species often confused with the more common Mastodon. The Rastadon was more intelligent, had a more complex social structure, and showed many other attributes usually associated with humanity, such as their own religion and communual smoking. The species now has only one living member and will go extinct when he rolls up his last reefer.
The Rastadon was discovered on February 3, 2007, by one Dr. Professor Ima Walrus, who got his Ph.D. in Zoology at Gotham University, as well as Tom Freebird, who had a B.A. in Sociology, and a minor in Taylor Swift, from Michigan Tech. Their historic discovery was found fifty miles north of Rastos, Nebraska. To date, only one skeleton of a Rastadon has ever been found, where it is currently still in active use. After many tests, Dr. Professor Walrus and Mr. Freebird found that the Rastadon's turn-offs included tobacco cigarettes, uniforms, sirens, and corporate life. Whereas its turn-ons included: pistachio ice cream, herbal medicine, large hollow plastic figurines with pipes sticking out of them, and snack foods. (more...)
The Addams Family is an American family best-known for producing an excessive number of U.S. Presidents. The Roosevelts are in a tie, but not in such short order; so too would be the Clintons, except for certain "deplorable" voters. The Kennedys showed comparable potential, except that various assassins showed more. (more...)
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DID Y0U KN0W...
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- ... that Christmas was cancelled in 1984 after an unfortunate accident between Santa and a Boeing 747? (pictured)
- ... that when a man with a .45 meets a man with a rifle, the man with a pistol will start giggling uncontrollably over the scene in Fistful of Dollars?
- ... that you're late for work?
- ... that since many hands make light work, workers at nuclear power plants are encouraged to grow extras?
- ... rattlesnakes no longer rattle a warning before striking but send a potential threat a tweet and attack when the threat is checking their phone?
- ... about alliteration articulating an artistic approach aimed at annotating and arranging alphabetic accoutrements as alarmingly asinine alignments?
- ... that science works in nearly every country?
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IN 7H3 N3W5
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May 19: Do What You Were Supposed to Do on May 18th Day (procrastinators)
- A long, long time ago - Jedi Purge Day.
- 3141 BCE - The world is invented, no one notices.
- pi - Someone decides that really long numbers are cool but hard to write down.
- 1743 - Jean-Pierre Christin invents the centigrade scale so scientists can tell exactly how badly they burn their dinners.
- 1861 - Nellie Melba is born. She would go on to invent peaches and toast.
- 1911 - Parks Canada is created so that there will be plenty of parking spaces for moose in the country.
- 1922 - The United States quota on immigration is repealed after Congress unanimously votes to force everyone on Earth to live in the United States.
- 1971 - The Soviet Union's space program releases Mars 2, the sequel to the hit Planet Mars. Due to budget cutbacks, Mars 2 has four holes in its center, and appears to be two dimensional. (pictured)
- 1997 - Chunnel declares civil war, dividing into North Chunnel and South Chunnel.
- 1999 - Jar Jar Binks's lead role in the movie Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace earns him much popularity, mostly in KKK circles. George Lucas continues to be the most popular person to be hanged in effigy.
- 2005 - Attempting to stay in business, the free encyclopedia Wikipedia sells advertisements using a bizarre method: for one hundred dollars, you can have every noun in any one sentence replaced with your product's name permanently.
- 2005 - Attempting to parody Wikipedia, Uncyclopedia sells Pepsi-Colas using a bizarre formula: for one hundred Pepsi-Colas, Pepsi-Cola can have every Pepsi-Cola in any one Pepsi-Cola replaced with your Pepsi-Cola's Pepsi-Cola permanently.
- 2019 - Uncyclopedia suddenly doesn't suck.
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70D4Y'5 F347UR3D PIC7UR3
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[vote]
| Thermopylae.jpg - 27 total votes ( 30 / 3 )
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Thermopylae was the top selling board game of the 5th Century BCE. Players compete to acquire wealth through stylized politico-economic activity involving the buying, rental, and trading of real estate using play drachma and bartering, whilst gathering groups of Perioikoi and Helots to work your land, as players take turns moving around the board according to the roll of the dice.
Image credit: Mhaille
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WRI73R 4ND N00B 0F 7H3 M0N7H
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
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