Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/February 9

February 9: International Tourettes Day

• 1012 - Anglo-Saxons tell the Normans to SHITFACE their SHITFACE with a SHITFACE.
• 1066 - In the Battle of Hastings, SHITFACE happens.
• 1222 - SHITFACE.
• 1492 - Christopher Columbus begins his first journey across the Atlantic, and gets SHITFACE.
• 1812 - Canada and The United States go to SHITFACE war. Nobody SHITFACE notices.
• 1914 - Throngs of tourists visit the US on this day only to find it is actually SHITFACE Tourettes Day. They SHITFACE stay, because they feel like they are in SHITFACE Paris.
• 1960 - Oil mining in Alberta, Canada goes wrong, causing the rig to get stuck pumping farther and farther into the hole while the rich liquid spews out.
• 1965 - Wham-O's Superball is introduced and becomes a runaway hit, because people love to play with balls.
• 2005 - After placing her pen on the table, Keira Knightley was then seen to SHITFACE fall asleep.
• 2006 - Dick Cheney gets on stage with Aerosmith to sing Cheney's Got a Gun. SHITFACE.
• 2008 - Steve SHITFACE Ballmer plans not to FUCKING KILL™ people, but to SHITFACEING KILL™ them instead.
• 2009 - Kanye West is sorry, but Beyoncé had one of the best videos of all time. OF ALL TIME, DOG.
• 2010 - Taylor Swift wins at the VMA's again, except this time when Kanye West tries to bring his drunken ass up, she punches him in the nose, where he then falls on Beyoncé, who is so surprised, she screams. This alerts her bodyguards, who then tackle Kanye West and beat the crap out of him. That night he succumbs to his injuries, and Taylor Swift goes back up to the microphone. "I'm sorry, y'all, but Michael Jackson had one of the best deaths of all time! Of all time!"